RIDING FOR FUN

Fear.

There has been a lot said on the subject:

“Face your Fear.”

“Let go of your fear.”

“Fear is letting go.”

Actually, I’m not sure about that last one.  Sometimes I make things up but that is what I am thinking about today because I think I have come a long way with how I handle fear.  For the last 14 months, I have been taking Horse Back Riding lessons.   I have no business taking Horse Back Riding lessons but here’s the thing:  my daughter takes Horse Back Riding lessons and I want to keep up with her.  Then my best friend started taking lessons too, and I wanted to keep up with her!  So if I thought I was too old to get on a horse, I remembered that my best friend is older than me.  And then I got on Cheyenne.

I have put off so much this last year for the sake of Horse Back Riding and I’ve had to ask  myself why numerous times.  Why do I ride?  I am terrified.  Literally.  At first, the simple rocking of the horse unnerved me so you can imagine my “aaahhhh” when it stumbled.  (By the way, I don’t scream.  I “aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh” Lucille Ball style.  I am a red head and Lucy is one of my guiding stars.  I Love Lucy.  But here I digress…)   

Since riding Cheyenne that first day, I have ridden Kitty, Leroy, Radar, Marilyn, Sunny, Rhiannon, Cinnamon, and Starlight.  Starlight is my favorite.  Kitty is not. And I've come a long way too.  I've learned to tell my instructor when I’m not “feeling the love” or better yet, I am more direct and just tell my instructor, “I am having a panic attack,” just as I am putting my foot in the stirrup.  Those six little words work wonders to pull on my instructor’s heart strings because the next thing he always says to me is, “My goal for you is simply to have fun up there.”  FUN? Really?? 

Today, I can honestly say I am having fun.  But a funny thing happened along the way.   I am letting go and it’s not just my fear that is going.   Old notions like “I can’t” are going too.  And I am a lot calmer.  Relationships that used to be so hard are not so hard anymore.  I think it is Horse Back Riding that has given me strength and courage.

I still have days when I am anxious to ride.  It’s probably because I am uncertain who my mount will be.  I trust some horses more than others.  But Steve, my instructor, knows something I don’t.  Trust happens from within.  I thought I had to trust the horse when in fact I am learning to trust myself.  And trust is a feeling just like fear.  So when I let fear go, I make room for trust to grow and it feels great.  In fact, it feels like fun.